43

it's cool to love your family.

42

i feel like often what describes ryan adams is "nice tune, nicer t-shirt collection." except this is actually probably my least favorite on the record and his t-shirt collection is great but not as good as elliott smith's, and i really think ryan adams should stick to lots of pedal steel and great legs. he's really good at that kind of thing. ugh, what i'm trying to say is that there are not enough videos out there that adequately describe the strong points of ryan adams and if he goes on letterman, he shouldn't sing "fix it."

41

dear phil elverum,

"the heat from the closeness of me tilting towards the sun was storing up to ignite the night and light up the coldness of the cave. the billowy flames lit up my face, the thinning smoke hung in the branches waiting for wind. my front was warm, the cold backs of my arms never felt the dawn, the night was long. when the real dawn came i saw it crawl over the hill, and i felt clean. i shook my hair out in the light, i looked up and hurt my eyes on the painful powerful sky, i looked down and felt motion under me. i looked out across the freeway, at the people flying by. and i turned my head, i closed my eyes, i felt my size. i recalled my fire and my lack of dawn, my one sided warmth, i just wanted more, but i'm small, i'm not a planet at all. i'm small, i'm small, we are all."

it's pretty true.

love,
yael

40

too much!

39

dear mount eerie,

please continue to squeeze all the air out of my chest. please continue being heartbreakingly beautiful. go on, git, i said.

no flashlight,
yael.

38

"you should live how you want. stay with me, we should stay apart, just shouldn't ever have to be this hard."

37

"kid, you're on the right track. if i send you postcards from the side of the road, photographs of moving parts about to implode, if i crawl to keep it together like you say you know i can do, to transmit a moment from me to you, wouldn't mama be proud?"

36

blurghtacular megablurgher

35

you looked so young
in 1995

34

this was the first country song i ever heard. i must have been in elementary school, maybe barely. my mom owned it on a vinyl record of "texas songs" she got when she was young, far before she ever got anywhere near the united states, let alone texas. i loved it right away. t for thelma, that gal that made a wreck out of me.

33

"a sweet sweet smile that's fading fast"
it's been 5 years, elliott
i hope heaven is treating you well

32

"because we love you"

31

i need you
i don't need you
and all of that jiving around

30

3 pomegranates worth

29

dear ryan "foggy-grizzly-fuzzy-aw-shit" adams,

i find that i am almost always willing to forgive you for your ridiculous affinity for metal and creating videos with bad special effects and laugh tracks, mostly because i secretly find these traits endearing to the point where most people might find it offensive. your interest in metal is not a logical reason for me to want squeeze you 'round the middle. also you are totally allowed to write cheesy jams that include lyrics about zombies because they are secretly really great to strut around to.

give 'em radios and ears and wake 'em up with jams on,
love,
yael

28

"The truth is dark under your eyelids.
What are you going to do about it?
The birds are silent; there's no one to ask.
All day long you'll squint at the gray sky.
When the wind blows you'll shiver like straw.

A meek little lamb you grew your wool
Till they came after you with huge shears.
Flies hovered over open mouth,
Then they, too, flew off like the leaves,
The bare branches reached after them in vain.

Winter coming. Like the last heroic soldier
Of a defeated army, you'll stay at your post,
Head bared to the first snow flake.
Till a neighbor comes to yell at you,
You're crazier than the weather, Charlie."

"Against Winter" Charles Simic

27

26

i daydream during class a lot.
like a lot, a lot.
dangerously a lot.
whatever.

25

"all i wanna do is get down, is get down, is get down in the evening, in the evening and not wanna die tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. i'm humming like a jar full of lightning bugs, walking through a star field covered in lights, wasted like a bum with somebody's wallet, pictures inside of you and me, you and i. so past sad i'm crazy and scary, it's beautiful sorta, beautiful sorta, beautiful sorta but not."

24

i hate being sick away from home.

23

"i have been making a movie of clouds. it’s long. there are so many. and every morning they are different. i may never finish."

i am positively beaming love out of my eyeballs.

22

the answer to all of those questions is:
"way too much."

21

20

i really wish i wasn't missing 'avinu malkeinu.'

19

dear ryan adams,

sometimes i forget how great you are, how you can write things like this:

"be brave- my grandparents lived through the Great Depression and this is not that and they managed and MY WORD they were so in love. They ate love for lunch. They had enough left-overs that I go to that refrigerator in my mind and it nourishes me even now at 33, enough so that I can manage to do things like write a book or some days just keep the faith."

which is really, just very heart-warming and i am glad that someone besides me says things like MY WORD once in a while because mostly people make me feel like a grandma about that.

also things like this:


no, thank YOU.

also sometimes i forget how great your legs are and then i remember how great your legs are and, damn, ryan, you have a great pair of legs on you.

love,
yael.

18

17

i've never seen a wheat field. it makes me really sad sometimes. i'd like to think that if you were here, you'd say, okay. and then you'd drive me out to find one. but that's not you, not really.

16

dear kaki king,

i could not even describe "doing the wrong thing" to people if i tried.

love,
yael.

15

"why must i live and walk unloved as what i am?"

14

"great ghosts" the microphones

"let my undo these ropes and go on living without you
not just change where i live, go on get, i said"

13

not my desk. gosh, i am kind of a creep.
you already knew that, though.

12

el cohen,

you continue to shatter my sensibilities. snap! just like that!



THE FLY

In his black armour
the house-fly marched the field
of Freia's sleeping thighs,
undisturbed by the soft hand
which vaguely moved
to end his exercise.

And it ruined my day--
this fly which never planned
to charm her or to please
should walk boldly on that ground
I tried so hard
to lay my trembling knees.



i just keep getting crumpled.

love,
why levy